LIST: TV shows I watch that make me feel better when the news is bad, and the news is always bad now, like every single day I read a headline and think, “That is a joke, right?” AND IT IS NOT A JOKE.

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Lists_ComfortTV

So the US is out of the Paris Climate Agreement. That is disappointing. I was really looking forward to my children and grandchildren being able to breath. Want some putrid icing on that fetid cake? How about legally killing entire herds of wild horses? There will be no more wild horses under Trump’s newest horrible budget. That’s right, part of making America great and rich again or whatever absolutely REQUIRES that we kill all the wild horses. I can’t even fathom the point of that, but I suppose the simple explanation is that the T-word made a Faustian deal with the devil. Which would explain a lot really. (Kidding, sort of. I know that some idiot horse-hating congressperson requested that this idiot clause be stapled to the budget bill in exchange for his yay vote, and a bunch of Republicans were like, “You betcha! I hate those stupid horses too. Haha I hate everything except fetuses!”)

So anyways. KILLING ALL THE WILD HORSES because BUDGET. I guess they are all going to die when sea level rises high enough to flood all of America anyhow, but geez, it would be nice if the wild horses had at least a couple more decades to enjoy life. I hate this place. I want to go home now.

Hey, maybe I will watch some TV tonight to get my mind off things! This is a list of my “comfort TV” shows – the television equivalent of comfort food – things I watch when coping with this kind of shit news:

  1. The Price is Right – Human joy in its least complicated form: I got a thing! Shallow capitalistic pandering? Shhhhhhhhhhhh.
  2. Inspector Morse – “Beer is food, Lewis!” Inspector Morse is my spirit animal, plus England. In England they don’t even have a president!
  3. Sherlock – I wish Sherlock Holmes was president, or Benedict Cumberbatch for that matter, or really almost anyone else at all with the possible exception of Mike Pence. Still on the fence on that last one.
  4. Miss Marple and all similarly quaint British mystery shows with tea cozies, village fairs, garden tours, and so on. I don’t know why. They remind me that at least I’m not murdered, I guess?
  5. Murder She Wrote – Again, not murdered! I used to watch this show with my grandma, who looked a bit like Angela Lansbury. Back then I didn’t even know who Donald Trump was.
  6. Dateline NBC – I know, I know, another murder show. I watch too many murder shows. I think you either get this one or you don’t. My love for Dateline might need its own post, but Bill Hader gets it.
  7. 48 Hours Mystery – Same as above, but not quite as good because no Keith Morrison. Evidently you can get Keith Morrison’s voice on Waze now. That wouldn’t scare the bejeezus out of me while driving alone, no not at all!
  8. Unsolved Mysteries – This show takes me back to a simpler time when I was scared of things like Elvis’s ghost and UFOs, and I was not scared of things like no longer having a planet to live on. Also more murder 🙂
  9. Dominick Dunne’s Power, Privilege, and Justice – This is a show about rich people getting murdered. I wish Dominick Dunne was my kooky great uncle. Also, OOPS more murder.
  10. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – A good show with a good theme song and only a little bit of murder. (Mom, do not watch this show. You will not like it.)

Why are you looking at me like that? Is it because my list of comforting television programs is all murder shows with the exception of The Price is Right and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? (And It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia definitely is not entirely murder free.) Is that weird? My attention span isn’t great, and I guess I have a hard time paying attention to shows without at least a little bit of murder. More seriously though, given the current State of Things, anything without at least a little bit of murder feels like lies, lies, LIES. I’m looking at you, Gilmore Girls. People keep telling me that I should watch The Great British Bakeoff. But for the love of all that is holy, I do not – and cannot – give one hoot about cupcakes right now.

So anyhow… Do you know any good murder shows that I haven’t seen? Bet you don’t!

I’m okay, really. I probably just need to watch more Gilmore Girls. I will calm down tomorrow, maybe.

 

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